


The Preacher's Son [Kylo Ren X Reader AU]

by driver_fans



Category: Adam Driver - Fandom, Kylo Ren - Fandom, ben solo - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:07:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29364480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/driver_fans/pseuds/driver_fans
Summary: [This is a modern AU story of the rise of Kylo Ren as witnessed through the main character's POV]I was born into a radical church, The First Order, led by my father Snoke, and my older brother Armitage. My mother died giving birth to me. I'm being groomed to take over the assistant position to my brother, as my father has fallen ill.We don't refer to ourselves as a cult, but I know that's how we are viewed by the public. Conspiratorially, we believe in carrying out retribution even if it means questionable acts against humanity.Ben Solo is the only son of Han Solo, a well-respected preacher in the community. Leia is his mother and their lives revolve around the church, much like my family.Although, we are very different.They do not accept our morals and values and we do not accept theirs. Ben and Armitage have been enemies for as long as I can remember, getting themselves into physical altercations too many times to count.I have my own beliefs that don't align with either of these organizations and once my father dies, I will take it upon myself to leave the church, my brother, and everything else behind.My name is Trinity Hux. And one day soon, I will be free.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	1. Trinity

"The person I fell in love with faded on the inside the day they bathed in my blood and I now live with their remains; an empty shell of who they were, and every day I pray to see pieces of what is left from their fallen soul. I still feel him. I still see Ben in Kylo's eyes. And I will fight for him until the day I perish...

...even if my death is brought on by his own hands."

Trinity Hux

***********************************************

Foundation:

This is a modern AU story of the rise of Kylo Ren told through the eyes of the main character, Trinity Hux. This AU is a bit different from others in that it does take place during the 21st century (ish), however, the cultural lifestyle and aspects are the following:

Overall laws and societies within this AU:

The world is divided into different theological jurisdictions. Each region has specific religious affiliations that the public either adheres to or chooses to go rogue. Survival relies greatly on being apart of the church.

There is no set authority, meaning that the "police force" as it is known in modern society does not exist. The public is expected to live their lives within the rules and restraints set forth by their affiliated church. The church institutes punishments as they deem fit for crimes against the public.

Those who live outside of church law are considered rebels and are abolished from the community, left to fend for themselves.

The internet exists but is limited to basic social communications and forums which are governed by the church.

There are two main congregations; The First Order and A New Hope. Smaller ones do exist but are not as prevalent and therefore are not as powerful.

The First Order laws:

The Higher Power/God is the ultimate ruler and speaks his teachings directly to Snoke, who is considered to be the Chosen One.

Arranged marriages are set forth and carried out by each First Order family. Women must marry within the FO church congregation.

FO women must remain virgins until they wed.

Once united, a child must be conceived and born within the first year (this keeps a consistent superior population growth inside The First Order.)

Anyone born into the FO church is considered a Noble and is regarded as a higher class. 

First Order Mission: to reform humanity by annihilating the rebels/criminals unless they conform to The First Order.

A New Hope laws:

God is in everything. It is a spiritual energy created from the universe that carries out its messages and teachings to a select few who are sensitive to it.

The congregation lives by a moral set of rules declared by Han Solo who establishes "right" from "wrong". He does this through his wife Leia, who is extremely sensitive to God's energy. She can sense "good/light" from "evil/dark".

Arranged marriages are encouraged but not required.

There is more freedom for each family to abide by their own traditions.

Any kind of assassination is forbidden. Rebels are viewed as lost souls who need help, not punishment.

New Hope Mission: to rehabilitate humanity by taking in the rebels and showing them the light of God.

Characters from the SW universe that are included in this AU:

The Knights of Ren (all First Order Noblemen)

Han Solo & Leia Skywalker (spouses/A New Hope)

Luke Skywalker (professor/A New Hope)

Voe, Tai and Hennix (students/A New Hope)

Snoke (The Chosen One/First Order)

Armitage Hux (a First Order Nobleman)

Sheev Palpatine/Darth Sidious (referred to as the Higher Power/God of The First Order congregation)

Original characters to this story:

Trinity Hux (a First Order Noblewoman)

Mention of Trinity/ Armitage's deceased mother, Ana.

***********************************************

Summary:

Trinity Hux is the narrator as she recounts the story of her witnessing Ben Solo's transformation into Kylo Ren. It is a heartbreaking and, at times, very violent storyline. There will be trigger warnings provided at the beginning of the chapters but please understand that Ben Solo will be put through brutal manipulation by Snoke in this story. There are moments where Trinity and Armitage also experience physical/mental abuse at the hands of Snoke.

Once Ben fully becomes Kylo, he turns very dark, violent, and cruel.

A repeating theme in this fanfic is smut (because, duh). Trinity is a virgin (against her own wishes) and she fantasizes a lot. She has bi-curious tendencies and a filthy mind when it comes to sex. As with many other Kylo fics, there will be times when the sex (in her imagination or otherwise) becomes very rough and vulgar. Later on in the story, there will be moments of dubcon, where consent is not clear. 

The main goal of Trinity Hux is to escape religious persecution.

Although I have done my research regarding the Rise of Kylo Ren as it pertains to the comics, this storyline will not be an exact adaptation. One huge deviation is the character of Ren, who will not be in this story. Ren was the original leader of the Knights and the moment Ben defeated him was what set into motion his full transformation to the Darkside. That crucial moment will be rewritten in this story to match the plot in this AU.

I'm sure I will miss a detail or fuck some shit up entirely but if you are a die-hard SW fan, I beg of you... please do not drag me through the mud. I'd been working on this Kylo story concept in my 'mind palace' for some time now and I'm ready to bring it to fruition. I can't promise you lots of fluff in this one, as it is a sad story.

This will be my last AD fanfic so I will be taking my time with each chapter to make sure they are done well to the best of my abilities.

You are awesome. Thanks for reading. -Nicole

***********************************************

If any of the following story aspects are triggering to you, I would recommend skipping those chapters or this whole story:

INITIAL WARNINGS

Sexually explicit

Religious persecution

Graphic depictions of violence

Blood (from death and also used in rituals)

Death (literal murder)

Agonist mindset

Abuse (mental and physical)

ANGST (probably too much)

Dubcon (sexual consent between Kylo and Trinity will be unclear at times later in the story)

Adultery (but like, the hot kind)

***********************************************

Chapter 1: Trinity

"Did you complete your study today?"

My Father, Snoke, was incessant that I keep a solid routine of studying his scripture every day. I'd skim most of it, or skip it entirely, lying to him later during dinner, like I was about to do right now.

"Yes," I replied quickly before shoveling more food into my mouth.

An obvious scoff came from the other side of the large marble table from my older brother, Armitage.

"I saw her reading one of her romance novels outside the archives on the steps."

I kicked him from under the table.

"I don't read romance, you imbecile."

"Oh really? Another lie?"

"That's enough!" my Father's baritone voice was always so intimidating even though I'd heard it sound of the walls for my entire life. It could still send chills down my spine.

"Trinity, I won't have this discussion with you again. You must do your study every day. Your theory will weaken if you don't. You'll become unbalanced, easily swayed and confused."

I slowly raised the fork up to my mouth, biting down on my food as I stared daggers at my snitch of a brother while our Father spoke. Armitage was always more concerned with getting constant praise from our Father than actually being a decent person. Even if he had to twist the truth and throw you under the bus to make himself look superior, he would do it in a heartbeat if it made Father proud.

"Never allow frivolous things to distract you from what's important. Don't act like a stupid girl."

Armitage grinned as he took a sip of wine, watching Father belittle me. 

Seconds later I dropped the fork on the plate and tossed my napkin next to it.

"Fine. I'll go do it right now."

Whether I did my studies or not wasn't going to change anything. I already knew what I believed in and it sure as hellfire wasn't what they believed.

My Father led a new age congregation of people, termed The First Order, who were of the mindset that there was a Higher Power, but if you truly expected to be redeemed for your transgressions, apparently our God wanted receipts. You had to do your due diligence during your mortal time on Earth by cleaning up the sin if you were expected to be seen as righteous in the eyes of God.

What a bunch of bullshit.

"Cleaning up sin" in my Father's world referred to recruiting more believers, brainwashing them, and turning them into mindless followers who did and said anything he instructed of them. And what were they instructed to do, you might ask?

To keep quiet.

My Father believed he could change the world by saving weak rebels from themselves, either by recruiting them into the church or killing them if they didn't convert their beliefs.

I know what you're thinking: How could he possibly get away with this?

Snoke was a cunning and charming man. He made people feel important; like they were really someone, even if they lived their lives as mundane as ever, working at their ordinary jobs, living in their ordinary homes. But within the walls of the church, they were actual heroes. They were part of something much bigger than themselves, knowing that sacrifices had to be made to keep the mission of The First Order pristine.

Father had a small group of well-trained men who were agile, quick on their feet, and loyal beyond belief. These six men, known as his Knights, carried out acts of violence against non-believing rebels, ridding the world of the ugliness that walked the streets. If you did wrong in the eyes of our God and my Father caught wind of it, your name was on his list. 

When my mother passed away during childbirth, my brother and I were left as orphans. My biological father had previously worked for Snoke before he died, having been very close to the church and Snoke's teachings. Once our mother was gone, Snoke took us in as his own. He is the only Father I've ever known. 

Every morning commenced with worship. Father giving the congregation their daily dose of poison while everyone ate it up and those who didn't... were killed in secrecy. The Knights would hunt you down, kill you, and incinerate the remains. They had done it enough times to know exactly how to make it appear as if you just disappeared from the universe. 

This was my life. And I didn't believe a word of it. But I would never tell Father that. Instead, I would be a disciplined Noblewoman and play along. I would do my scripture study, I would keep my mouth shut and I wouldn't dare question my Father's authority.

I would, however, escape this hell on Earth the moment he drops dead. Which by his physician's estimation, would be within a year of his recent diagnosis. The cancer had spread to his lungs and while he was still adamant about running the church, he was also preparing my brother and me to take over. Armitage would become the new Supreme Leader of the assemblage and I would be groomed as his assistant.

Additionally, it was church law in The First Order for arranged marriages to take place. Given my Father's new diagnosis, he is passing on the duty of seeking out my future spouse to my brother, whom I despise. It makes my stomach churn to even think about who he would choose for me.

But thankfully that day would never come. I was quietly planning my escape in secret and once my Father was laid to rest, I would leave as soon as everyone's eyes were turned the other way.

I would become a rebel. But at least I would die free.

******************************

I sat alone at a small table in the local cafe one Saturday afternoon, typing away on my laptop. I was a writer...

...well, I was an unidentified writer who had a small following on the underground web that appreciated my work. I wrote under the pseudonym '_temptress_' which was suitable for the genre I was passionate about: smut. Dirty, filthy, delete-your-browser-history kind of smut.

It was an ironic genre to write considering I was a total virgin due to church law preventing me from having any relations outside of marriage. But in my mind? I was a total slut. The biggest slut known to humankind. That barista who just made my latte? I let him bend me over the counter and fuck me from behind while customers watched. The cashier who took my money? I ate her pussy until I felt her cum on my face.

See what I mean?

The internet was highly restricted in our community, governed by the collective church, and limited to only social forums. However, it didn't mean that hackers hadn't found a way around it. The only way I even found out about the underground web was through one of Father's Knights, Ushar. He had gotten drunk one evening after a banquet we hosted for the Knights and once it slipped from his mouth, I badgered him until he told me how to access it. 

It had become a life source for me and I'd spend most afternoons at the cafe, using the public domain to access it. 

"Trinity?"

A well-noted voice caught my focus and I snapped my laptop shut per my natural response.

"Hello, Ben." I smugly replied.

Ben fucking Solo. The preacher's son. He was, by all accounts, the golden child of this community. He could do no wrong. His father, Han, led the local church, A New Hope, which was arguably the most prevalent church within our region. He attended a small, private college where is his uncle, Luke, was a professor. Ben was tall, handsome, and had his whole future planned out. He was the epitome of perfection. 

On a side note: My family despised his family, and the feeling was rather mutual.

"I always see you here... alone. Writing... or doing some kind of work..." he said, casually taking an uninvited seat across from me.

"Yes... and?"

He rested an elbow on the table and rubbed his chin. "And... I'm intrigued. What steals so much of your attention?"

God, he was attractive. Dark, raven hair against his pale skin paired with his hooded, hazel eyes that I vowed if I'd look into them long enough, I'd become hypnotized. So I avoided them. And his full, supple lips...

"It's personal."

"Oh, like... a diary?" He grinned.

I rolled my eyes. "No, not like a bloody diary, I'm not twelve."

Ben sat back, holding both hands up to surrender. "Hey, no judgment from me. I write in a journal. Which is basically a diary." He reached for his coffee. "It helps to work through my thoughts."

"You have 'thoughts'? Plural?"

He snickered at my quick wit.

"Why do you loathe me so much, Trin?" he asked, tilting his head to the side in curiosity.

It was a fair question. I suppose it was because I was raised to dislike the Solo's, so it was in my nature to do so. Ben never directly antagonized me, only my brother, but I didn't care for his 'holier than thou' attitude. To me, he came across as someone who thought they knew everything. 

In my mind, if you aren't open to learning from others and realizing that the universe is endless in its teachings, then you have a very vain mentality. This is why I found it difficult to adhere to anyone's idea of what I should believe in. My beliefs were simple: I didn't believe in a God, or any Higher Power. I believed the voices people heard in their heads were just their own alter egos. No one was special. And anyone who claimed to be only wanted to play God, and those people shouldn't be trusted.

"We are very different, Ben," I insisted.

He leaned in, eyes wide. "If you avoid everyone who is different you must live a very boring life, then."

I paused, almost taken aback by his rationale. He had a point. For once. 

"Okay. That's reasonable."

He leaned back and smiled.

"Great. So, I'll meet you here same time tomorrow. We can... write in our journals... together."

He got up and left before I could even get another word in. 

I watched him walk out of the cafe and stroll down the sidewalk before I opened my laptop back up. Pinching my brow, I wondered what I just silently agreed to. I shook my head at the ridiculous notion, and I began to redirect my focus back to my smut. I had just started a new chapter and my main characters were about to have sex for the first time. I needed to go to mind palace and forget about Ben.

Two hours later and another latte in, I was on a roll. I took a moment to stretch my arms and neck before going back through what I had written to start some editing. It wasn't until that moment when I realized that I described the male's physical characteristics to be that of a certain tall, dark-haired foe.

I kept reading and reading as the heat in my body grew and spread. My main character just fucked Ben Solo in my story. And it was... incredible.

Well, at least I'm anonymous. I wouldn't dare deprive my readers of this glorious chapter. 

I was able to complete the rest of it in record time. It was flawless. Probably my best writing to date and it came so easily to me that I began to wonder if Ben was my new writing muse. 

I published the chapter before leaving the cafe and heading back home in time for supper. Thankfully I wasn't hounded again by Father as he was too busy reprimanding my brother for some absurd mistake he made during one of his practice lectures. 

I finished my meal and headed back to my room, locked the door, and put on my headphones. I laid in bed while listening to some random playlist and began scrolling through my emails, catching up on any feedback comments left from my readers. 

A new username caught my eye: _kylo_

Before then, I was very familiar with my readers who interacted with my stories. They would typically leave comical feedback, being just as raunchy as I am which made me feel like I had finally found my tribe. We were all faceless, hiding behind our little caricature profile pics, free to express who we truly were online if nowhere else in our lives.

Story insert: 

You screamed and writhed under him as you moved your body flat to the surface of the bed, clenching your legs together. He joined you without missing a beat and kept fucking you, his lips on the nap of your neck now as you rode through your peak. Your whole body quivered under him. His hips still rocking into you, breathing heavy as he grabbed a handful of your hair and tugged.

Comment from user _kylo_: Fucking hot. This is the kind of filth I dream about doing to a certain someone.

I smirked at the comment before hitting the 'reply' button.

Comment from _temptress_: This is the kind of filth I hope someone does to me someday. Thanks for reading.

I posted my reply and went back to my playlist, searching for something new to listen to. Only a few seconds passed before I heard my email chime.

Direct message from user _kylo_: I would offer, but my huge cock might actually kill you. ;)

I laughed at the smiley-wink face. What a conceited man.

Direct message from user _temptress_: Perhaps. But what a great way to die. :)

Direct message from user _kylo_: I like you. You're fun to play with.

I rolled my eyes. Oh yes, I'm very fun. If he only knew I was a virgin and have no clue what I'm actually doing.

I closed out my email and opened up my favorite version of porn I'd found on the underground web. Sexual audio clips from a certain anonymous user by the name of bourbon_neat. This man's voice was deep, raspy, and flowed like honey. He could read me bedtime stories and I would still find a way to get off to it. But thankfully, he downloaded much spicier content than that. He would whisper dirty things into the microphone while bringing himself to climax in unison with the listener. It was a genius concept, freeing the listener to use their imagination to fill in the blanks. 

I dipped my hand under my panties, slowly circling my clit and taking time to warm myself up as his voice vibrated through my eardrum. I closed my eyes and started to imagine what Ben looked like unclothed, lying in bed, hard cock in hand as he fantasized about whatever it was that made him cum. I wondered how big his cock was. Was it big like _kylo_'s claim to fame? I smiled to myself before my breath hitched and I picked up the pace, becoming wet at the idea.

I imagined climbing on top of Ben, straddling his frame and slowly lowering myself down, taking all of him in. I tried to imagine what that would even feel like, being stretched open wide by his thickness. Would it hurt or would it ease the aching that's been inside me for so long? 

I fantasized that it was both painful and pleasing. The best of both worlds.

I was breathing heavy now, rapidly rubbing my swollen clit as a rush of warmth was building. I tried to hold off as long as possible so I could cum with bourbon on the audio clip. As always, I came first as he ordered me to do before he allowed his own release. A fucking gentleman.

I laid breathless on my bed, slowly running my fingers over my post climactic center, still reeling from the surge. 

Another chime to my email sounded.

Direct message from user _kylo_: I just made myself cum so hard to the image of this. thank you

I stared at the message, feeling connected to this mystery person, having just done the same thing at the same time. 

Direct message from user _temptress_: So did I.

Direct message from user _kylo_: good girl. Let's do it again tomorrow.

Looks like I have a new secret friend. 

**************************************

The next morning I sat alone in the last row of church pews, half-ass listening to Father's lecture echoing through the room. One of my Father's Knights, Vicrul, snuck in late to the lecture and took a seat next to me.

"Hey, did I miss anything?" he whispered.

I rolled my eyes over to meet his gaze.

"Do you ever?" I replied sarcastically. Over the years, Vicrul had become my closest and only friend in the congregation and although he was a true believer of my Father's work, mainly because he had to be, I did find him to be more relatable than anyone else. He was charming, funny, and always brightened my day with his warm smile.

Too bad he was a cold-blooded murderer. 

I grabbed a tissue and leaned down to Vicrul's shiny black shoe, wiping away a spot of fresh blood. I bunched up the soiled tissue and passed it to him. 

"You should be more careful, Vic."

He gave me a sweet grin and rested his strong arm behind me. "That's why I have you." 

I gave him an amused smile before redirecting my attention back down to the book I was reading in secret on my lap. He glanced down and nudged me.

"You should be more careful, Trin."

I reached over and bopped his nose with my finger. "That's why I have you."

Vic was always my protector, my look-out, for anything. He was my eyes and ears so I could let my mind wander off. He didn't necessarily approve of my alternative mindset, but he did respect it. He was the only person I trusted to even share my true views of the world with and while I still guarded most things against him for his own safety, he was like the boyfriend I always dreamt of having. But alas, given church law, we were not allowed to explore our feelings for each other.

"Speaking of, you know who is coming..." Vic whispered, sensing Armitage approaching from behind. I quickly switched my book out with the one of scripture that was waiting on queue underneath it. 

Armitage stood next to the pew, gazing down at Vic and I with suspicion. Vic lifted his gaze and greeted him with a friendly nod as I kept my eyes ahead as if I was listening intently to the lecture.

He took a long moment before proceeding to walk away, leaving Vic to smirk at his arrogance. 

"I bet you're looking forward to being his assistant," he teased. "Say goodbye to your books."

Vic isn't aware of my intentions to leave. No one knows and no one ever will. He is the one person that I will hate to leave behind but telling him will only put him in danger. Better he is just as shocked as everyone else when it's discovered that I'm gone.

"Mhm. Can't wait."

Once the lecture was done, Vic asked if I wanted to grab coffee with him. I hesitated, remembering that I agreed to meet Ben. He wouldn't approve of such a thing so I acted causal. 

"Actually, I have some things I need to work on. You know, scripture study... so I don't have to keep lying to my Father." I was blasé enough about my deceit that Vic bought it, giving me a quick hug and telling me to text him later.

Once I reached the cafe doors, I saw Ben sitting at the same table I normally set up post at. I took a deep breath and proceeded to walk over towards him, taking a silent seat across from him. He seemed to be rather enthralled with writing in a leather-bound journal resting on the table. 

I didn't want to interrupt him since he was obviously in some sort of flow state of mind, so I quietly drew out my laptop, opened it, and pulled up my story, glancing around to the mostly empty cafe.

Was I worried that someone from the church would see us sitting together, engaging in some kind of friendly chit-chat? Absolutely. But at the same time, I had a curious mind and wanted to find out why Ben was so interested in spending time with me. 

I started typing before I noticed him finally pause his writing and look up at me.

"Hi," he spoke, giving me a half-smile.

"Hello."

He looked down at his handwriting then back at me. "Do you ever just have so much to say but feel like you can't put it into the right words? Or maybe the right words don't even exist to describe it..."

I considered his deep thoughts for a moment. "I definitely have episodes of writer's block. I find it helps to take breaks and think of something else for a while."

He smiled at me, closing his journal and leaning on his elbows.

"Good idea. Tell me what you did today," he remarked, suggesting a distraction.

I smirked at him as I closed my laptop and rested my hands on top of it, indulging in his curiosity. 

"Early morning worship. Scripture study. Afternoon worship. Then... coffee, here."

He narrowed his eyes at me appearing to be in sincere thought. "Do you enjoy it?"

I narrowed my eyes back at him. "Do I enjoy worship?" I wanted to scoff and tell him how much I despised it but that would've revealed too much.

"Do you enjoy The First Order? I'm just curious what it's really like."

I thought it was a peculiar question coming from Han Solo's son. But I did my best to give him an idea of what it's like, minus my bias and the dirty details. I went over all of the laws, the expectations, the mission (plainly leaving out the part about killing rebels)... these are all things I was sure he already aware of so I kept it brief. I noticed how genuinely interested he seemed and it made me suspicious of his intentions to meet with me. 

He leaned in further to whisper. "Is it true what they say?... do you... eradicate rebels?"

There it was. He was scouting for confidential information. Although I didn't support the acts carried out by the Knights, I wasn't going to expose them. I adjusted my posture, grabbed my laptop, and put it back into my bag.

"We're done here."

Ben stood up just as I did, trying to reason with me. "Hey... I didn't mean to offend. I'm sorry..."

"Yeah, well, you did."

As I took the first few steps away from Ben, I saw Vicrul walking in with Ushar and it made me stop in my tracks. They both gave me an odd look when they realized who I had been talking to.

"Trin, hey." Vic said, appearing slightly irritated with me. 

I looked back over my shoulder at Ben then back at Vicrul.

"Hey. I was just leaving," I pushed past both Knights and left them with Ben behind. Whether they would say anything to Ben or threaten him to stay away from me was likely, but I wouldn't concern myself with it. It was their job to be protective and assert dominance, especially if they suspected someone of being intrusive of The First Order. 

While most of the general public speculated about our unusual traditions and rituals, it was never confirmed by anyone from The First Order congregation so they were regarded as rumors only. We operated privately and the crimes conducted by the Knights were always done so in a confidential manner. The FO congregation truly believed that the Knights protected the church, their families, and the FO mission. They were the soldiers who carried out God's work and they were highly respected for it by the church.

Young boys looked up to them as idols, dreaming of becoming a Knight one day. It wasn't an easy position to gain, there were many requirements and sacrifices that had to be made. But furthermore, the Supreme Leader, my Father, made the final decision and he was not an easy man to impress. 

A couple of hours later, I was reading in my room when a text from Vic came through.

[Incoming 1605PM] Vic: saying sorry now. I had to tell him since Ushar was w me. 

I stared at the text for a moment before I heard my Father's heavy footsteps advancing to my bedroom door. My heart jumped into my throat as I shoved my phone under my pillow and put my book back in my nightstand drawer. 

The door swung open and his figure filled my room, owning every bit of the space with his dominance. 

"Trinity Hux!"

He shouted as I stood up from my bed with a rigid spine, standing feet away from him as he glared at me.

"Yes, Father."

His dark eyes pierced into my soul. 

"Do you take joy in making this family look foolish?"

I cleared my throat and swallowed hard.

"No, of course not."

He stepped in closer to me as a flash of heat shot through my veins. 

"Then it baffles me why you would associate yourself with Ben Solo. How could you be so reckless!?"

I tried to save myself. "I wasn't. I was just sitting alone, reading.... studying.... when he sat down. I didn't invite him."

His cold expression twisted as he moved in closer. "What did he want?"

I hesitated.

"Tell me!"

A swift smack to my face jolted my focus. 

"He asked about the Knights! He wanted to know what they do."

My Father pulled back his aggression, seeming almost inquisitive to my response. 

"I swear, I told him nothing. I left instead."

He nodded at my obedience. 

"Good. Perhaps the time has come..." he said the last part to himself, turning to walk away.

I didn't know it at that moment, but Snoke had been waiting for Ben. God had spoken to my Father, telling him that a new Chosen One was on the rise. This new soul would come seeking answers to find his purpose, his true destiny, and that my Father should prepare for his arrival. 

This new soul wouldn't be a Nobleman by church law, but he would have Noble blood flowing through him. 

***************************************

A/N: Thank you so much for giving this story a chance! This is very different than my previous work so I appreciate any feedback. No real posting schedule for this one right now, but the entire story is outlined and I'm so proud of the plot. Happy reading to you! - Nicole


	2. Ben

I was walking alone one sunny afternoon to the archives, laptop bag resting on my shoulder, in a complete daydream of the current novel I had been reading. It was a heartbreaking love triangle between a Lady, her Lord, and a blacksmith. She had known the blacksmith her whole life but was forbidden to love him and instead her family wed her away to the Lord. She grew to love the Lord over time but her true heart belonged to the blacksmith. Over the years, the Lord became suspicious and wary of her faithfulness since she could not bear his children. He became abusive and cruel towards her and she eventually fled and was never heard from again. The Lord had the blacksmith murdered under the pretense that he helped her escape, although he had not.

"Trinity!!"

I was almost in a state of tears, lost in my own thoughts when I was jolted back to reality at the boisterous shouting of my name from across the street. Ben jogged over to me as I turned to keep walking, looking around to see if anyone was watching us.

"Ben?! What are you doing?? We shouldn't be speaking."

He was breathless when he reached me and I picked up my walking pace, clutching my bag closer to my body.

"Where are you headed?" he asked casually.

I gave him an annoyed look and gestured ahead. "To...the archives. You can't come with me so don't ask. In fact, it's for your own good that you go back across the street where you came from."

Ben smirked looking over his shoulder then back at me, seeming not all intimidated by the thought of being caught with me.

"Are the Knights nearby? Are they watching you?"

I scoffed at him. "No... I mean, I don't know. Maybe. I don't know what they do all day."

Ben kicked a rock ahead of us. "My guess is that they are at the gym, probably lifting massive weights... because, for whatever purpose which you refuse to disclose to me, they need to be in incredible shape."

I rolled my eyes at him and chuckled. "Would you like me to set you up on a date with one?" I looked Ben up and down as we both walked. "Ushar would probably be your best match."

Ben laughed. "Ushar should be so lucky... I'm a catch."

We both reached the steps of the building before I halted and looked at him. 

"Well, thanks for the quick chat. I'm going inside to study and read and I'm doing so alone."

I felt Ben's hand on my own as he tugged to stop me and pull me back towards him. 

"Trin. Why don't you like me?" he genuinely asked with wide eyes. I almost felt bad for being so harsh.

"Ben... we can't be friends. Okay? Our worlds and beliefs clash and my father would never approve of it because of who you are." I reasoned, bringing my hand back from his grasp.

I saw the disappointment in his eyes. It wasn't that I didn't want to be friends with Ben, but doing so would only complicate my situation. It would be another person to miss when I left and I didn't need anything or anyone distracting me from escaping to find a better life. 

"I'm sorry, Ben, I am. Please understand that if things were different, I would of course want to be friends."

I walked away from him and up the step to the doors, feeling like I did and said the right thing. 

It was possibly thirty minutes later, I was sitting in a plush chair located near the fireplace in one of the quiet study rooms, reading my novel and in my own world when I noticed Ben walking over to sit meters away from me across the room with his journal. 

He was persistent if anything. 

I watched him nonchalantly open the leather-bound notebook and begin writing as if this is exactly where he does his routine writing and I'm the one who was intruding on his space. I shook my head and went back to reading.

I lost track of time when I saw Ben put down his pen, rip a sheet of paper from his journal and fold it up. I tried not to gawk but I was curious what he had been writing and why he just tore it out. 

A moment later he got up and walked towards me, stopping a few feet away and silently placing the folded parchment on the table in front of me. I looked at it then locked eyes with him right before he walked away. 

Peering over my shoulder, I leaned forward to grabbed the note, unfolding it slowly and glancing around once more to ensure it was a private moment. 

I remember the first time I saw you. I was thirteen years old and I watched you and Armitage walking home from the community market one afternoon. Your brilliant auburn curls caught my eye at first and although I had a distaste for your brother... I was bewitched by you. Your kind smile and green eyes cast a spell on me and I could not get the vision of you out of my head. I noticed over the years that you remained alone most of the time, never with friends or anyone special. You looked so distant from everyone and I always wondered why. On fine occasions, you'd show up in my dreams and I would awake feeling content as opposed to feeling empty, which was most of the time. I can't imagine a person not wanting a friend to feel connected to; to feel not alone. Perhaps we could just be pen pals. I will leave a note for you here, under the cushion of your chair each Wednesday at 1900. I look forward to seeing a note from you, too, as I also do not like to feel alone. -B

My eyes glossed over, reading the thoughtful letter. I swallowed, folding it back up and putting it into the pocket of my bag. He was reaching out not only for his own interest but because he thought I was lonely. Which I was, but I didn't think anyone was paying too close attention. Vic was always there if I needed a friend but again, we had different views and I couldn't share everything with him. I probably shouldn't share anything at all with Ben, but it was nice to know that maybe I could. Maybe he was trustworthy and would understand. 

I rushed over to the general store and purchased a notebook and good quality pens, feeling a bit of excitement to engage with a secret pen pal. I hurried home and closed my bedroom door, tossing my laptop and shopping bag onto the bed as I lit some candles and created a relaxing atmosphere to get started. 

I laid across my bed, opening the notebook and thinking of how I wanted to start. It only seemed appropriate to recall my first memory of Ben. Once I started writing the words came easily of what I wanted to say to him. It seemed comfortable to communicate with him in this way. I wasn't distracted by his charming smile, his searing gaze, or the way he sweeps the raven locks of hair away from his face when he speaks. 

I was half a page in when there was a light ping on my window. I knew it was Vic tossing a pebble, it was his signature move to see if I was available to sneak out for a stroll in the gardens. I checked the time, making note that I had an hour before I was due for dinner. 

I walked over to the window, gazing down at Vic as he motioned towards the pathway behind him. I nodded for him to give me five minutes so I could get past my intrusive brother who would have no qualms about telling on me if he saw anything suspicious. 

I tip-toed down the hall, pausing before I got to Armitage's room, listening for any indication of him since his door was ajar. I heard sounds of typing so I knew he was busy doing some kind of work on his typewriter. He insisted on using the vintage method of writing out scripture like he was some authentic spawn of the Creator himself. What a pompous asshole. 

I quickly passed his doorway and made my way down the staircase, light as a feather on my feet. I knew Father was across the house in his study so I wouldn't have to worry about running into him. He was a man of meticulous tradition, always sticking to a reliable schedule of events throughout the day, all the way down to his restroom breaks. Such a boring way to live under such self-discipline. 

I made it to the backdoor of the kitchen, grabbing two glass bottles of soda from the fridge on my way outside.

"Hey stranger," Vic said with his dashing blue eyes and a handsome smile. I handed him a soda and clinked mine against his.

"Cheers," I said, twisting the cap off and taking a sip as we began to walk towards the path leading out to the garden.

"Thanks, m'lady. You always take care of me," he remarked before taking a few chugs of his beverage. I watched him tilt his head back, lips pursing around the bottle as he gulped over and over. 

"Sorry it's not booze. I'm sure that's what you'd rather have."

Vic wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Nah. I've had enough this week. Starting to take a toll on me. So it's back to good a old-fashioned sugar high."

I grinned, wondering what it must feel like to even get drunk or have so much that it "took a toll" on my body. I had tried wine once before at a holiday party when no one was watching and I quite fancied the dry taste. 

"So whatcha been up to, kid?" Vic casually asked as we walked through the thick trees and into the open field of freshly bloomed wildflowers. The scent of lilacs filled the air around us.

I shrugged and made a contemplative sound. "Not much. I've been writing more, and I think I might have a pretty good plot." 

Vic never read my work mostly because I wouldn't let him due to the extent of the sexual content, but he was blindly supportive of the hobby anyway.

"Yeah? Is there... murder? Or... virgins?" he chuckled, having no clue what kind of genre I wrote for.

"It has neither," I said, tilting my brow. "But it has..." I paused, wondering how I should explain it. "...drama... which is fun."

Vic frowned. "Eh. I'm not a drama kind of guy. I like mystery, but drama stresses me out."

I smiled to myself, recognizing if he only knew about the kind of "drama" I wrote, he would certainly change his mind. 

"Speaking of drama... sorry about the other day. I really didn't want to tell Snoke about the whole Ben thing but Ushar blurted it out before I could stop him."

"It's okay. I only got smacked once as opposed to several times."

Vic sighed heavily, having figured that my Father would've turned abusive. That was one thing he looked down at Snoke over, never understanding how he could possibly be that cruel, especially to his own children. 

"Shit. I'm sorry Trin," we both stopped in the middle of the garden, Vic looking over my face to see any indication of a mark. The redness had faded already but he brought his hand up to stroke my cheek anyway. "I hope you know if he ever tried that in front of me, I'd have to intervene. Even if it meant thrice the brutality on me."

I grinned kindly at his protective nature. 

"What were you doing with Ben, anyway? You know that whole family is a bunch of rebels hiding behind their church." Vic asked in a conspicuous way. 

I found it difficult to meet his eye. "I don't know, Vic. Ben seems different. He seems more interested in us than his own life. I can't perceive why." I finished with sarcasm. 

Vic smirked at my rebellious attitude. 

"So, Ben Solo is interested in us, huh?" he chuckled in amusement. "Could you even imagine a Solo of Skywalker descent becoming a Nobleman in The First Order? I'd fall over in laughter seeing that happen."

I shook my head at him.

"Well, let's just pray that doesn't happen. I'm sure Ben has a much brighter future at A New Hope, anyway."

I reached over to Vic's wrist, pulling it up to my vision so I could view his watch.

"Ugh, I have to get back," I said, turning to walk back but pausing mid-stride. "By the way, did you and Ushar say anything to Ben after I left?"

Vic tilted his head to the side and frowned. "Of course, Trin. Told him to stay away or he'd have to answer to us. Why? Is he still bothering you?"

I quickly objected. "No. No, he hasn't been... I was just curious. I think he's harmless, though, so, maybe go easy on him?"

Vic narrowed his eyes at me for a moment.

"Okay. If you say so."

***********************************

"I think I'm getting better at my scripture, Father. I find it helps to write and re-write so that I can fully remember it. That way I can focus on the delivery rather than the words." Armitage was being his own cheerleader as my Father looked at him with an unimpressed gaze.

"Your delivery today was still subpar. People were yawning, did you not see? If you weren't my son, I would've walked out from boredom."

Armitage's demeanor shifted quickly to one of distress.

"Well, I'll get better with time and practice. I've improved since we first started a few months ago, don't you think?"

Father shrugged, chewing on his food and not offering any further encouragement.

Armitage took the hint and cowered down, focusing on his own dinner.

"Trinity. Where were you this afternoon? I wanted you to observe your brother during worship but you were nowhere to be found... again." 

I took my time to finish chewing as he waited for my reply.

"I went to the general store," I said after swallowing. "Picked up a new notebook and some pens so that I can write... scripture," I tried to sound as convincing as ever while my Father glared at me like a hawk. "Like how Amritgate uses his typewriter," I glanced over to my brother who was watching at me like I'd gone mad. "I thought maybe I could try doing what he does to... fully remember the words."

My Father seemed pleased with my initiatives, albeit lies, and he approved.

"Good. I would rather you do that than be on your laptop. Or a typewriter." he scoffed.

Sometimes I felt bad for Armitage since Father seemed to be harder on him than me. Although there was more on the line for Armitage since he would be expected to rise to the occasion of becoming the new Supreme Leader once Father passes away. Snoke expected perfection from his protege and Armitage wasn't meeting the golden standard. 

I'd seen Father beat Armitage a time or two in front of me. I'm sure there were countless others when no one was present, as he had done to me behind closed doors. Saying my Father had a temper was putting it lightly. A smack to the face or being thrown to the floor was expected if you crossed him on any given day. The approach was to do as you're told enough times to stay on his neutral side because there was no good side to be discovered. 

I finished my letter to Ben shortly after dinner, folding it up and tucking it away safely in a small pocket of my bag. I opened my laptop and saw a few comments posted to my story. My heart fluttered when I saw an unread direct message from the user _kylo_.

Direct message from user _kylo_: I saw a beautiful girl today while I was out and it made me think of you. I wonder what you look like sitting behind your computer. Are your eyes brown, green, blue? Do you bite your lip as you write your sexy stories? Do you smile when you see a message from me? 

I grinned at the cute message and began to write my reply.

Direct message from user _temptress_: I have green eyes. I do bite my lip and sometimes I bite it too hard. I'm smiling as I type this. I also wonder what you look like and what happens when you see a message from me?

I hit send and stared at the screen, wondering if he was still waiting for my reply or reasonably had busied himself with something else by now.

*Ping*

Direct message from user _kylo_: Dark eyes, dark hair... and just the thought of your DM makes my cock twitch. 

I smirked, face flushing with shyness as I typed my next reply, biting down on my lip, repeatedly too hard.

Direct message from user _temptress_: Oh really? So what would you do if I knocked on your door right now? Would you combust?

Direct message from user _kylo_: abso-fucking-lutely. But not before I ravish you. I would love to feel your quivering body under me as you cum hard on my cock. Would you like that too, angel eyes?

I froze as heat traveled through my body, equally feeling embarrassed and enamored by his filthy remarks and pet name. Writing fictional smut seemed much easier than trying it out in real life and I felt a huge writer's block. I considered my options for a moment before I decided that maybe honestly was my best route.

Direct message from user _temptress_: I would like that, yes. Can a virgin cum during their first time?

I hesitated before I pressed send, wondering if this would frighten him off. That wasn't my intention, as I did enjoy our little online affair. But it felt wrong to pretend to be something I wasn't. I pressed send and starting biting my nail, eyes glued to the screen.

I was startled by the low creaking of my bedroom door opening.

"Seems curious that you're writing scripture on your laptop when you just told Father that you write it in a notebook now." Armitage proceeded in, uninvited, giving me a stern look as I snapped my laptop shut. "You know, I'm not even sure why Father allows you to have that thing. It's clearly a distraction. Perhaps I should confiscate it."

He lunged for it at the same time that I did, both of us grasping the edges and tugging.

"Stop! Why can't you just keep to yourself?!" I shouted as I tried to yank the device away from his hands. 

"You're not fooling me, Trinity. I know you're not doing any kind of study on this thing! You're practically obsessed with it!"

"Give it back!"

We continued our battle for a few seconds when he finally jerked it hard from my hands and in the same motion, it went flying across the room, hitting the floor with a loud crack. 

"You idiot!!" I ran over to open it and turn it on but the screen remained black. "You broke it. You fucking broke it! Are you happy now?!"

Armitage looked more than satisfied with himself as he gestured nonchalantly and left the room, leaving me on the floor with my only life source being destroyed. The only thing keeping me connected to the world outside of the one I was desperate to escape. 

I went to bed with tears in my eyes that night, unable to find rest as my mind replayed how life would be now without having the link to the underground web. No more stories to write, no more readers to relate to, no more... _kylo_.

I tried to tell myself it was a silly thing to be upset over and I should just find something else to fill my time. I needn't mourn the loss of something as superficial as a secret virtual life. But my heart was broken over it and I so badly wanted it back. 

I loved being _temptress_, pretending to be some cool version of someone who I would idolize. Someone who did what she wanted without any rules or laws holding her back. Someone who spoke her mind and stood up for herself, even in the darkest face of fury peering down at her. I dreamed of being _temptress_ in my real life someday. 

But for now, I was still Trinity Hux. The nobody girl who hides behind her ignorant books. The nobody girl that nobody paid attention to.

Except for Ben. 

***********************************

The next week was absolutely torturous without my laptop. I resorted to actually handwriting scripture during worship just to numb my mind and tire my hands. I didn't absorb a word of it, only becoming more disengaged as before, lost in daydreams of my own smutty stories. I imagined how each chapter would play out until the very end. I wondered if my readers were upset since I hadn't updated in so long. I wondered what _kylo_ was thinking and if he answered my last message before my entire world shattered on the floor. 

When Wednesday finally came, I was feeling delighted knowing that I was going to drop off my letter to Ben and he was going to leave one for me. I showed up to the archives reading room thirty minutes prior to Ben's suggested drop-off time. I casually tucked my letter under the seat cushion and walked over to sit in another chair across the room with my book in hand to distract me while I waited. 

A few moments passed and I could almost sense Ben in the air before I even saw him. I peeked up from my book and watched him stroll over to the chair, taking a seat as he reached underneath, looking charmed to see a note waiting for him.

I tried not to stare but I noticed that he unfolded it and began reading it right then and there as he leaned back into the chair. My face became red from embarrassment as I saw the corner of his mouth curl up into a grin as he read what I wrote. 

I saw you from across the courtyard years ago. I was probably twelve at the time. I noticed how joyful you appeared as you played some kind of kickball with your peers. Armitage was with me and he spoke some kind of snide remark about you, as he always did whenever you appeared to be having a good time. I ignored his cruelty and instead dreamed about what life would be like as Ben Solo. I can't even remember the last time I've had a good laugh with anyone or felt the sun beaming down on my skin as I ran across a field, smiling, playing, and enjoying the simplicity of the day and the company of others. Not to mention, you were undeniably beautiful. I had to warn myself not to stare. It's not that I enjoy being lonely or don't want to have friends. I simply don't know how to have them outside of my congregation. And those within it, I don't feel connected to. But even if we tried to be friends outside of pen and paper, it would be a risk, not just for me but for you. I would find the peril to be worth it, but I wouldn't want that burden on you. And trust me, life in the FO is indeed a burden. -T

If I could swear by it, it looked as though Ben had wiped a tear away from his face. Without looking over at me, he opened his leather-bound journal and began writing as if the words were spilling out of him at a rate that he couldn't keep up with. It wasn't much longer before he finished, riping the parchment from his journal, folding it as he had done before, and placing it under the cushion. He walked out of the reading room with no acknowledgment my way and I wondered if he even saw me in the room to begin with. 

I waited a few seconds, glancing around until the room was empty before getting up and walking over to the chair, and reaching under the grab the note. I scurried over behind a bookshelf as more people starting coming into the room so I could read in private. 

I can't explain the pull I have to you or the FO for that matter. But something is telling me it's where I belong. I have been fighting this awareness for a long time and I will take the risk and the burden if it means I can be with you. Outside of pen and paper. Please meet with me in secret. There is an abandoned chapel that's being renovated near A New Hope. Here are the coordinates 41.6622939, -86.1761411. Tomorrow at 2100. -B

My heart lept into my throat and any attempt to swallow it back down only made it swell more. I knew at that very moment I would meet with him. For some reason, I had no doubt that I should take the risk to do so. 

There was something about Ben, something that he was hiding and he wanted me to share with me. If anyone knew anything about keeping secrets and pretending to be someone they're not, it was me. My heart pained to think that Ben aspired to be converted to The First Order. Who would want that for themselves? I felt a sense of moral responsibility to at least tell him the truth about us before he made any huge, life-altering decisions. 

I stowed Ben's notes away in my dresser drawer with my undergarments so they would be kept private. I enjoyed re-reading them before putting them away, appreciating the penmanship of the way he wrote his A's and Y's. I took a deep inhale of the parchment, detecting a faint scent of some spice. Perhaps it was his scent left behind that had been absorbed into the fibers on of the paper. 

Tomorrow night I would meet with him, and only then would I understand who the real Ben truly is.


	3. Unity

I paced my bedroom that evening, watching the timepiece on my nightstand count every second of every minute. If I was going to meet him at the requested time, I need to sneak out within the next few minutes. Pulse pounding in my body, head buzzing with random concerns, I was experiencing a high I'd never felt before. I didn't know what would happen once I was alone with Ben or what could happen if we got caught. 

Something visceral was telling me not to care. 

Walking over to my bedroom door, I opened it and peeked out. A dim light illuminated the otherwise shadow-filled hallway. No noise, no movement... no one. It was time.

I quietly closed the door and did another cross-check of the dummy body pillow that I crafted on the bed to resemble someone sound asleep under the fluffy comforter. I wrapped a cardigan over my shoulders and pushed open my bedroom window, peering out and scanning the outside quarters. When I felt confident that no one was within visible range, I slipped my legs over the window seal and scaled the trellis down to the grassy earth. Quickly, I made my way into the garden and took shortcuts through the neighborhood.

The First Order community was gated from the rest of the public but I knew of a secluded area in which I could slip through without being noticed. I crossed through town, making sure to avoid any areas that might be bustling with curious eyes around dusk.

I stood across the street from A New Hope, admiring the warm glow of its twinkling lights from the beautifully built white structure and feeling a sense of comfort come over me. The agreed meeting spot was a block away; a neutral ground chapel that hadn't been utilized in years but was being repurposed into a quiet sanctuary of worship to be adopted by the public. 

I made my way down the street as the chapel came to vision. Scaffolding surrounded the outside of the brick building, stained glassed windows, and beautifully decaying statutes. I did another scan around, verifying no one had followed me before pushing on the heavy wooden door that creaked loudly as it opened. It was a modest space, but eloquent. Ten rows of wooden pews lined up with an aisle between, leading up to the lectern and... Ben.

He stood tall at the end of the aisle, faced away from me with hands stuffed in his pockets, gaze focused on the lectern and large stained glass window behind it. His figure slowly turned when he heard the door and I could have sworn he smiled at my arrival. Or perhaps he only smiled with his eyes but either way it felt welcoming. His navy blue sweater complimented his dark hair and hazel eyes. 

"You came."

"I did."

Our voices echoed off the chapel walls. The silence in between was deafening. I proceeded up the aisle, shorting the space connecting us, foot by foot until I was an arm's length away. From such close proximity, I could already detect his scent through the stale air; and yes, it was the same as the letter, bits of spice but now something a little sweeter, softening the sharpness with balance. 

Ben reached a hand out to me with anticipation in his eyes. 

"I want to show you something," he insisted. 

I looked at his hand for a moment; lengthy fingers, ridges turning to veins over his smooth skin. I realized I had never held anyone's hand before, at least not like Ben's hand. I placed my own in his, feeling the warmth of us joining to become one as he clutched with a firmness that made my heart skip. 

He led me to the back of the chapel into an area where we climbed a ladder, reaching the attic before existed to the roof. The night sky was clear of trees and city lights, as the stars above sparkled against the cosmos. 

"Wow..." I reacted with an exhale, peering up at the sky.

"Yeah..." Ben replied, doing the same. "I come here most nights to write."

I felt a sense of satisfaction understanding where his secret writing spot was in the world. It seemed like such an intimate detail to share and a part of me hoped I was the only one who knew of it. He walked over and took a seat, moving to lay flat on his back and inviting me to do the same next to him.

Our bodies laid parallel, our focus paid up to the infinite atmosphere above while watching stars twinkle to their own rhythms. 

"What do you write about?" I asked with caution, knowing it could be something private, much like my own writings. 

He paused for a moment, chewing his lip in deep thought.

"I have a lot of noise in my head; like... voices, saying many things all at once. They compete against each other." he cleared his throat and shifted a bit. "Sometimes writing helps me sort them out, understand them better."

I felt intrigued by his struggles. "Do you think it's your own thoughts, or something else?" I asked, turning on my side to rest on my arm and look at him. I was curious what he believed even if it wasn't I believed. 

He shrugged. "I don't know," he turned to face me. "If you're asking if it's God talking to me, I don't think it is. At times it feels... darker... than what my mother hears."

The way he described it made me feel penitent for him. 

"So, coming here helps you concentrate?" 

He kept his gaze on me, shifting his body to mirror mine, resting on his arm. 

"It helps me feel safe," he whispered. 

A pang in my chest, seeming completely understood that feeling "safe" in my own fellowship and home wasn't a reality for me either. 

"I know what you mean," I concurred. 

"It's weird. When I'm around you, that noise sort of goes away," he smiled slightly. "It's like your presence stifles it and my mind can finally breathe."

I was beyond flattered by the opinion, blushing as I broke eye contact with a huge smile.

"What do you write about it?"

His question snapped me back to the moment quickly. I felt obliged to share the truth only because he shared so much with me. 

"I..uh -" my cheeks were already flushed, but now they were crimson.

"Whoa... that good, huh?" he teased, chuckling at my nervous demeanor.

"Well, I write... fictional stories. I publish them on the underground web." I figured starting there was a safe place. Not everyone knew how to access the underground web, some even believed it was a myth. Typically, if people knew how to access it, they certainly didn't flaunt it. Surfing the underground web was considered against church law in all regions.

Ben looked very impressed with my admission of story-telling and knowledge of the underground web. 

"You don't have to be shy about it. I actually read stories there," he confessed. 

With raised brows as I locked eyes with him again. "You do?"

"Yeah. The stories are amazing. Although, my favorite author stopped posting updates, so that's frustrating," he said. 

I could feel my blood pressure rising, knowing I had left my own readers hanging out to dry since Armitage demolished my laptop. I wondered how upset _kylo_ was after my messages ceased. I became curious if Ben and I read the same stories or if he read something of more innocence.

"Who's your favorite author?" I asked, suspecting he may not tell me.

Ben began blushing in return and it made me giggle. "Wow... that good, huh?" I teased, nudging him. 

"If I tell you, you might see me in a different light," he said, looking to me for trust. 

"I really don't think you need to worry about that, Ben," I assured him, knowing very well what my contribution to the dark web pertained to.

Ben adjusted his position with a small grunt. "Okay. This author writes the most appealing stories that are just - filled - with smut. It's the hottest stuff you'll ever read..."

Each organ in my body stiffened while he continued explaining. Was he talking about my stories or someone else? Either way, I was surprised to know that golden boy, Ben Solo, was a smut reader. 

"... she publishes under the name _temptress_..."

I tried not to let the internal shock to my system show on my face, but it was too late.

Ben stopped mid-sentence. "See? I knew it would be too much. You think I'm some kind of sexual deviant, right?"

"No! No... not at all," I swiftly replied, not ready to admit it was my work. "I'm sorry, I just... I didn't expect it. Um... I actually read that genre, too."

"Really? Have you read her stories?"

I paused for a moment trying to figure out what angle I wanted to take.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I've read some of her stuff. You're right, it's very risqué."

Ben smirked, looking bashful of his admission. "Pretty crazy that a virgin writes at such a descriptive level."

I let myself lay flat against the roof again, absorbing what he just said to me while looking up to the universe. The only explanation of how Ben knew that I, _temptress_, was a virgin would be because Ben was in fact, _kylo_.

I couldn't contain the pressure in my chest having discovered so much information at once; heart racing, blood swarming rapidly through me, I became dizzy from the awareness. 

"Hey, you okay?" He placed his warm hand on my abdomen out of reaction to comfort my panicked state. 

I sat up, causing him to remove his delicate touch. "I forgot... I need to be back by now."

My breath was growing heavier as I pushed through the attic and back down the ladder, into the chapel. By the time I reached the pews, I was frantic, trembling from feeling overly exposed. 

I heard my name from a low, broken voice behind me. Ben stood in the aisle having chased me out and I froze, grasping the back of a pew for support to keep me from fainting. 

I took two deep breaths before turning to face him again, eyes glossing over from the embarrassment of behaving so dramatically. It felt like he could see straight through me and my mind went blank once I locked eyes with him.

He slowly approached me as every cell in my body was trembling with so many fears and desires all at once. 

He cupped the side of my face with one hand, thumb grazing my cheekbone while he searched my face for answers. A spark ignited in him and I saw his face change from his own discovery.

"Angel eyes?" he whispered.

My breath hitched hearing his confirmation. 

"Kylo?" I replied.

A sharp exhaled escaped his own lip with a smile.

"I wanted it to be you," he admitted. "I dreamt about it being you." he brought his other hand up while cradling my face as my expression continued shuddering with shame. He nibbled his bottom lip, studying how perfectly innocent I appeared yet knowing how perfectly lewd I was on the inside. 

His hand silently moved, running his thumb lightly against my mouth, softly drawing my bottom lip down. A quiet growl escaped his throat as he tightened his lips over his teeth, sounding predatory and completely consumed with lust.

My body reacted in a way I never expected, having fantasized so many times about a moment like this. Without a thought, I opened my jaw, tipping my head forward to wrap my lips fully around his thumb, keeping my angel eyes locked on his hazels. Closing my mouth and allowing my tongue to become a soft, wet bed for his thick digit, I sucked the saltiness from his skin. 

His other hand gripped the side of my face, encouraging such sexy behavior to continue while he watched, mouth agape and nodding slightly with approval. 

"Good girl..." he whispered.

I kept my seductiveness centered on him and squeezed my core, pulsating with excitement while I pulled my mouth back, rolling my tongue around his thumb, before clamping back down to suck again. His breath picked up, no doubt imagining what my mouth felt like on other places. I considered taking it to the next level by dropping to my knees before him but the idea and execution were overthrown when we both overheard a loud noise from outside.

"Shit..." he whispered as I abruptly pulled my mouth away and regained focus. 

"I need to go... I can't be gone long," I replied, turning and leaving Ben in a cloud of pre-coital dust.

Wrapping my cardigan closer to my body, I scampered back home in the same way I left, avoiding as much as possible until I reached the trellis under my window. Grabbing at the wooden blocks to hoist me up I heard my name from another familiar voice.

I released the trellis and turned around. "Vic.."

"Hey. What are you doing?" he asked with a smidgen of irritation. 

Acting coy, I shrugged as if climbing the trellis up to my room at night was no big deal.

"Oh you know, just... needed some fresh air. Went for a stroll in the garden."

Vic stared at me with darkness I hadn't seen before.

"You're lying. You're a terrible liar."

I scoffed at him. "Um, okay..." I rolled my eyes. "Well, I'm not lying. I just needed to get out for a bit." I insisted.

"I saw you," he stated, taking a step towards me with his brows lifted. "I followed you."

Heat filled my body, realizing I had gotten caught even though I tried so hard not to.

"Oh..."

"Yeah."

Vic stood inches away from me, looking disappointed and upset in ways I didn't recognize. 

"Trin, I'm your friend. And I keep my mouth shut about a lot of things because I care about you..." he said, exhaling deeply through his nose. "But I can't let you see him. You're crossing a huge line."

My gaze fell to the ground from shame and disgrace. I was upset that he followed me in the first place but I also knew that this meant I'd have to make a choice between Ben or being friends with Vic. He wasn't going to support my choice to keep seeing him and surely this was a warning. The next time he caught me would certainly be the last, knowing he would go to my Father.

"Why are you following me, Vic?" I asked out of frustration.

"Because it's my job, Trin. I'm here to protect you," he laid his hand on my shoulder. "You're not only important to me but you're important to the church. Once your Father is gone, the congregation is going to look to you and Armitage."

I felt nauseous, knowing that the hand touching me now belonged to someone who would kill those who didn't align their beliefs. Little did Vic know, once Father died the church was going to be disappointed in me regardless, although I wouldn't be around to endure their judgments. 

I needed to protect myself and Vic by simply lying to him. The less he knew of my actions and motives, the better off we both were.

"Fine. I won't see him again," I responded. "But I need your help in getting my laptop repaired. As long as I still have something creative to do, I won't be distracted by wanting to sneak out and getting myself into trouble."

Vic grinned with a shrug, "Well, that's an easy enough request. I know a guy who can fix it," he tucked a wild strand of hair behind my ear. "Anything to keep you quietly preoccupied so I don't have to keep chasing you around," he snickered. 

"Thank you, my sweet Nobleman," I taunted, placing a quick kiss upon his cheek. "Now allow me to climb up this wall so I can go back to being a good girl." I shivered once the words left my mouth recalling how sexy Ben's voice sounded calling me the same name from earlier. 

Once back in my room, I dropped my laptop down to Vic who accepted it with a smile and salutation before walking off into the darkness. 

I laid in bed that night, wide awake from the adrenaline of everything. Masturbation didn't even put me to sleep like it normally does, but instead only made me even more aroused. I held Ben's letter in my hands, re-reading it over and over while taking in its scent. I so badly wanted to feel his hands on me again, taste his skin, and be surrounded by his intoxicating figure. 

Ben was Kylo... every time I reminded myself of that truth, a chill ran up my spine, knowing he was just as filthy as I am. In a way, I felt totally understood and accepted because he was just like me. 

A few days passed with no word or sight of Ben. I went about my normal routine, checking over my shoulder from time to time in hopes maybe I'd catch a glimpse of him walking down the sidewalk beside me or trailing along down the road. But it was like he disappeared. 

Each day that came and went felt like torture. I'd sit next to my bedroom window and gaze out, praying he'd take the extreme risk by showing up like Vic does. But he never did and before I knew it, a week had passed. I nagged Vic daily during the sermons on the progress of my laptop to which he assured me it was almost done. 

"Why don't you just head over to the archives and find something there to busy yourself with? I know you like that place, and it's a good place to be. You can access old First Order lectures and I think they even have a small viewing room to watch recorded sermons..." he continued as I interrupted.

"Yeah, yeah... I know they do," I whispered to him in a dismissed tone. "I'm familiar with the catalog of the archives."

Just then, I remembered the secret spot Ben and I would leave letters to each other. Curiosity overcame me, questioning if he continued leaving notes for me there. I counted the days in my head trying to recall the last time he left something. Today was Wednesday, so if he was going to leave another note, it would be... right now.

Trying not to appear out of sorts, I casually sighed and leaned over to Vic. "Keep me posted on my laptop. I'm going to grab some things from the archives and head home."

"What about your brother's sermon??" he suggested, motioning to the lectern where Armitage was struggling to get through his teaching with Father's stern glare on him.

"I find this to be dismal, but you enjoy yourself," I stated sarcastically, shuffling my way out from the pew. I could sense Armitage's judgmental stare on me as I walked out of his lecture but I didn't care. 

It was the middle of the day, the sun was shining and birds could be heard singing from a distance as I made my way down to the archives, eyes darting all over the landscape for any sign of Ben along the way.

Once inside, I made my way to the chair, making note that no one was around before sitting down with a book. Nonchalantly, I slipped my hand under the cushion and felt it immediately. Quickly, I grasped the parchment, trying to hide my smile as I pulled it free. I opened my book to shield the letter as I unfolded it, spreading the paper out on the pages.

You have ignited my soul. I need you... I crave you now. I don't care about the laws that bind us and I pray you don't either. I must see you and feel you again. Your angel eyes are burned into my memory. I want your sweet mouth on me once more. I need it. Second floor, last row of shelves to the right. It's secluded. I'll be waiting. -K

I found it intriguing that he signed as Kylo instead of Ben this time. I folded the note back up and shoved it into my pocket, taking a mere glance around the room and seeing only two other people at the far end, studying at a table. Slowly, I closed my book and stood up, walking towards the stairwell to the upper floor, known for documents and literature of a much older time. It was hardly referenced by anyone, typically only people who were only working on specific historical projects. 

I noticed no one was in sight as I proceeded to the quiet floor of tall shelves, and dusty furniture. I felt a sense of peace as I passed through the shelves, walking towards the back wall. I could almost feel his presence before I even saw him. 

I approached the last shelf and tilted my head to peer around it. He was waiting for me, much like his stance from the chapel as if he knew I was close. His eyes darted to me immediately and I noticed a small twitch in them. 

The air among us felt thick and intense in between the tall shelf and wall. 

"Kylo..."

He smiled as I greeted him by his nickname, while we gradually closed in the space of our bodies.

"Angel eyes..."

We were mere inches from each other now. Every nerve in my body was buzzing, not knowing what exactly we were about to engage ourselves in. Whatever we were about to do would be a first for me in every single way possible. 

"You're nervous..." he remarked. "Why?"

Was he joking? Of course, I was nervous, wasn't he?

"I don't know what I'm doing," I shrugged in defeat. "I'm not at all experienced with any of this. Only in my mind have I done the things I imply in my stories." 

He placed his hands on the sides of my face again, as he had done before, tilting my chin up towards his gaze. 

"All you need to do is what feels good," he whispered. "And you know how to make yourself feel good," he suggested, remembering my admission of touching myself at the same time he did. 

"Okay..." I whispered back.

He leaned down slowly, nose brushing against mine, hot breath slipping between his lips that were centimeters from mine. "Okay."

Our lips united in a kiss that made my joints buckle, having my breath stolen from my lungs as soon as his tongue breached my lips and softly rubbed against my own. I found his rhythm quickly, wrapping my arms around his collar, his arms coiled around my waist while our tongues danced wildly. 

I felt him pulling me backward, further into the long row of the shelves before his back bumped up against the wall. Our hungry kiss never broke, becoming more urgent with every second as if the act of kissing wasn't enough to satisfy our craving for one another.

My mind fell completely blank; all I could do was follow my natural instincts which were screaming at me to fuck this man, right here, right now. 

He moved to push me up against the other wall, pinning my wrists above my head with one large hand as his other roamed my quaking body freely. He pulled his kiss away briefly, panting from the excitement. 

He held me against the wall while he dipped a hand below the waistband of my pants.

"Can I feel you?" he asked through shortened breaths, fingers hovering just above my core, fidgeting with the elastic of my panties. 

"Yes... please," I begged which only intensified his desire. I felt his large erection pressing against me while his fingers brushed the outside of my center. It wasn't until I felt his touch on me did I even apprehend how especially wet I already was for him. 

His jaw loosened as he drew my wetness out onto his fingers from simply grazing the folds. 

"Holy fuck..." he muttered. "Do you always get this wet?" he asked, pulling his digits up to study them before bringing them into his mouth with a moan of approval.

"No," my voice wavered. "It must be you." It was the truth and he could sense it.

With eyes searing into mine, carnal energy filling the space around us, he thickly swallowed.

"I need you, I need to taste you."

The heat of tension caused my skin to perspire. I was beyond nervous but at the same time, yearning for him to do it; to feel his keen mouth on my luscious, celibate pussy. 

I nodded slightly with approval, his face sparking with glee as he lowered himself to his knees. His hands worked to pull my pants down, goosebumps casting all over my skin feeling the air on my bare thighs while I stepped out of them. 

"Red?" he mentioned with a smirk, commenting on my panties. "My favorite color."

I smiled back, covering my bare center with clasped hands and apprehension. He licked his lips and gleamed up at me, reaching for my hands to move them away.

"It's okay. You're beautiful," he affirmed, unlocking my sweaty palms so he could gain full access. His eyes moved from mine to my core. "So beautiful..." he repeated, bringing his lips to my folds and kissing sweetly. I took in a stuttered breath, closing my eyes for a second to relish the sensation of initial contact.

He pushed his tongue into my wet creases, full lips pressed against my skin as he lapped up the first taste. His hands tugged at my thighs to part them more, dropping his strong chin between my legs to take as much as he could. The vibration of his moan against my cunt sent unexpected shockwaves rippling through my veins.

"Oooh... fuck... Kylo..." I shivered while letting my hips roll back and forth against his thirsty mouth. My instincts were on fire while my body reacted like a virgin but my mind behaved like a whore. 

I grasped at his ebony hair for salvation, seizing handfuls in my fists while I maintained rolling my hips and fucking his face. He buried himself further into me, relishing in delight at my eagerness for him. 

His hands found my hips, the pads of his finger digging into my flesh as he squeezed, allowing me to use him however I needed. 

I dropped my head down to watch him working hard to make cum, his face tense and lids closed while he savored the deed of tasting every part of me. My pleasure was building fast at the sight of him, the feel of him, the realness of what was happening. It wasn't a fantasy, it was actually happening and it felt so much better than I could've ever imagined. 

"You're gonna make me cum," I shakily admitted, body starting to clench, rocking my hips without precision while heat spread up my body, steaming my vision and mind. 

I had made myself cum plenty of times before but this orgasm felt much different; strong and powerful with what seemed to be no end in sight.

"Fuck... fuck... yes..." I hissed with intensity, jaw slacked while quick short breaths left my mouth followed by moans that had been suppressed as I saw white, body wrenching upright, neck falling back as pleasure seized every part of me. 

Ben never ceased his hold me, allowing me to ride out my lengthy orgasm through every aftershock and every twitch of sensations buzzing inside of me, cumming hard on his face. As I relaxed my grip on his hair, he slowly pulled his mouth away, taking deep breaths along with me, licking the juices from his full lips. 

"Mmmm... I loved that," he said, rising back up to his usual towering height, chin still gleaming with the aftermath. "How do you feel, angel eyes?"

I could contain the giggle inside my post climatic mind, covering my shy expression with my hands. 

A prideful smile appeared on his face, his hand moving to rub his own hardness over his pants. 

Opening my eyes, I halted my laughs as I watched him. Truth be told, I had never seen an actual real dick in my life, only pictures from lessons in human anatomy. I swallowed, realizing not only would I see one in a few seconds, but I'd probably have it in my mouth soon after. 

My anxiety came back in two folds. 

He pulled out his stiff length, red and rigid from being so fucking hard and untouched this whole time. I watched him stroke his cock lazily, eyes focused on me still standing half-naked in front of him. 

"You don't have to do anything if you're not ready..." he offered, seeing how nervous I had become again. He started stroking himself with purpose, chest swelling with each breath. 

My eyes were glued to his manhood, completely enthralled with the sight of it. My mouth began to salivate, hungry for something I didn't even comprehend yet. Natural instincts forced me to my knees from where I stood, bringing myself closer to him. His free hand pressed against the wall behind me as he fucked his fist right in front of me. I studied his pace, his grip, the precum beading up at the head...

His cock was magnificent and I took in every visual piece of teachings he granted, showing me exactly how he likes it. 

His gaze was settled downward at me, dark locks of hair fallen forward, swaying with his movements, heavy breaths, as he watched me observing him with innocent eyes, eager to learn. His face strained as moans started to escape him, pumping his fist with more intensity. 

Breaking my gaze, I looked up at him with wide eyes. I gently let my jaw fall open, inviting him to replace his fist with my warm, wet mouth. His pupils seemed to blow at my silent invitation, and I noticed how his breath stuttered along with his stance as he nervously took a step towards me. 

I felt the tip of his well-endowed cock at the crest of my lips. I started by licking, swirling my tongue over the head at first. The saltiness of his precum made me wonder how the rest of him would taste. I opened and relaxed my jaw, letting as much of his length inside as I could without gagging. He held his hard, throbbing shaft as I tried to find what worked best, learning every vein, every ridge of him with my tongue. He watched with lustful eyes while I licked, sucked, and played at my own inexperienced pace. 

Sucking cock wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. They don't call it a job for nothing.

I raised my palm up, encasing it around his thick, hard girth next to his own hand. I felt much more confident now, having more control and covering more area with the extra assistance. We moved in tandem with one another, stroking his length in unison with my mouth paying special attention to the sensitive parts of the tip. 

Ben's fingertips clawed against the wall as he pressed firmly into it for stability, feeling weak in the knees at the vision of me learning to suck cock... his cock... for the first time. 

"That's good... real good. Fuck -"

I loved his encouragement, it motivated me to invest more of myself as I tried to take him further into my throat. He released his own grip, placing both hands firmly against the wall now, giving me free rein to do whatever I wanted. Taking him in too far, I gagged slightly and he groaned. 

"God, yes ...you're so... fuck-" he stammered through clenched teeth, shifting his gaze from me and tipping his head back, closing his eyes to revel in my submission of him. His hips began to thrust forward with my stroking, earning him a whimper from me against his length. 

He moved his hands back down to the sides of my head, holding me steady as he gently fucked my mouth, drool spilling out and onto my chest. I brought a second hand up to help stroke all of him and reduce the gagging.

"Yes... that's a good girl. It's perfect..." he responded, rocking his hips back and forth. His cock stiffened more, twitching with every other thrust and I wondered if he was about to cum. 

"Do you wanna swallow me?" he muttered, voice broken from his peak building up. 

I wasn't sure how to answer because, at that point, my mind was a blank canvas of empty thoughts. If he wanted me to taste him, then I wanted to try it. I hummed in agreement against him and he groaned in response.

I paired my strokes with his thrusts as they grew faster and within seconds, he spilled his warm seed into my mouth. I managed to swallow the bitterness down, pulling my mouth away for a second to regain strength before my mouth was on him again to receive the rest of his offering. 

A bit of salty, a bit of sweet... balanced just like his scent. 

Ben was breathless, watching me gently lick and stroke his tired dick, adoring how tender the moment became. He stroked my hair as I played with his softening cock, still bewitched with his manhood and not ready to say goodbye to it. 

"Do you like sucking my cock, angel eyes?" he asked seductively with a grin.

I nodded, eyes blown wide at him while I ran my tongue over the tip one last time. He helped me to my feet, caressing my cheek before brushing his nose against mine. The remnants of my sex on his breath and his on mine sparked something intriguing between us. His lips crashed onto mine, exchanging lust from our mouths and tasting our own sensuality.

Our private moment was ruined again when we heard faint voices echoing in the distance. By reaction we retreated, Ben adjusting his pants as I pulled mine back on as hastily and quietly as possible. 

"You leave first," he murmured. "I'll wait a few minutes before leaving."

I nodded while adjusting my hair and wiping any sign of him from my mouth. As I began to walk away, he tugged me back to him, pulling me in close.

"Will you see me again? Tomorrow... at the chapel?" he asked with desperation.

I hesitated, knowing that Vic would probably catch me again. 

"I'll try... but I was followed last time," I whispered back.

Ben's jaw tensed from frustration.

"I'll wait for you anyway," he kissed me quickly. "Can we talk online?"

I sighed. "My laptop broke, I'm waiting for it to be fixed."

The voices became louder as the unknown patrons made their way up the stairwell and to the second floor. 

"You should go," he rustled in defeat. "I'll make sure we see each other soon."

I stepped away from him as he released me, already missing his touch as suddenly as it was withdrawn. I casually made my way through the shelves and the group of approaching people, clutching my book to my chest and keeping my gaze forward.

I scurried down the steps outside when I saw Vic making his way up with Ushar. 

"Speak of the devil, there she is! Hey Trin!" Ushar boasted as Vic gave me a crooked grin. I greeted them both with a friendly hug, feeling hopeful that either of them couldn't sense what I had just done.

Ushar handed me my laptop. "Here you go, good as new."

I inhaled from surprise, "Oh my goodness, Ushar! You're the best! I didn't think it would be ready today."

Ushar smirked and nudged Vic, "Well, someone wouldn't shut the hell up so I did him a favor and paid extra to expedite the situation."

Vic rolled his eyes, "yeah, yeah, chill out, I'll pay you back."

I smiled in relief. "Well, thank you.. Both of you. This means the world to me. I've been so lost without it."

Vic squinted his gaze. "Is that... who I think it is?"

Ushar followed Vic's sight. "Aha.. yup. Ben fucking Solo."

Just the mention of his name caused my heart to jump into my throat. Turning around, I saw Ben making his way down the steps, purposefully paying no mind to the three of us. 

Once he passed and was out of range Vic looked at me. 

"Did you know he was in there?" his tone deepened.

I shook my head, "No, I must have been too busy reading to notice."

He gave me a suspicious glare, knowing full well that I was lying again.

"I think he's a weird dude. Seems too curious to me. Like he's up to something," Ushar commented, oblivious to the tone being exchanged between Vic and me.

"Well, I should go," I said, trying to escape the confrontation. 

"Oh hey! One more thing," Ushar said causing me to stop and turn. "Be careful on that thing. My guy saw that you'd been on the underground web, like, a lot. He's cool, he won't say anything, but just a friendly warning, 'cause you know... if you get caught and that shit gets traced back to me that I showed you how to access it, I'm fucked."

Vic crossed his arms, looking like he was in deep reflection. He knew that I would access the dark web and that Ushar showed me how to. He didn't agree with any of it, but again he kept his objections to himself. 

"Got it," I said quickly before walking away.

Once I finally got back home and into my room, I shut my door and bounced onto my bed, opening my laptop and getting logged in. A rush of serotonin hit me when I saw all my missed comments and messages. It took me a minute to even remember how long it had been since I had been plugged back into the underground web. Days? Weeks? It felt like months.

The username _kylo_ appeared on my screen in bold. He had left a few comments on my story, mostly asking for status on updates like the rest of my readers. I clicked over to my direct messages, almost cringing at how he may have reacted to my last response telling him I was a virgin.

Direct message from user _temptress_: I would like that, yes. Can a virgin cum during their first time?

...I opened his response...

Direct message from user _kylo_: I want to find out with you. 

I blushed at the reply, wondering if Kylo, or Ben, was also a virgin. It certainly seemed like he knew what he was doing. Only FO law deemed it necessary for women to remain virgins until they were wed, but I had heard that A New Hope was much more lenient on such laws. I shouldn't be surprised if Ben had already been sexual with other people but I did feel a bit of sadness at the thought.

I clicked on the next missed message from him.

Direct message from user _kylo_: You haven't updated in a while. Is everything alright?

There was one more left that was sent yesterday.

Direct message from user _kylo_: I miss you. Tomorrow's Wednesday. I hope to see you at the archives. 

My heart was pounding, recalling our secret union only moments ago and still sensing Ben on my lips. I wasn't sure when I would see him again or if we would even get away with our secret affair.

It dawned on me how difficult it would be to leave him behind. I hadn't considered that far ahead because I had been so distracted with the present moment. Perhaps this attraction to each other wasn't serious, but more like a game because it was so improper. Maybe after some time we would get the sexual tension out of our systems and move on from it naturally. I just needed to be careful. 

A light knocking on my bedroom door shocked me and I closed my laptop, shoving it under my pillow before walking over to answer.

It was Armitage.

"Wow. You know how to knock, brother?"

"Father wants to see us," he said sternly, with his matching green eyes on mine.

I sighed deeply, "Of course."

We walked down the hall side by side in silence, making our way down the large staircase and through the foyer. Our home was connected to the church by a long corridor which we promptly made our way through until we reached the main hall of the sanctuary. Father was seated at the presider's chair awaiting our arrival.

We approached the altar and stopped within a few feet before him. He looked especially pale this evening with weary eyes as he scowled at us both.

"I regret to inform you that my condition is worsening and progressing much faster than anticipated," he said with a dreary expression. "We need to discuss what's next for this family and the future of the congregation."

"I assure you the congregation will be in order once I'm-"

My Father held his hand up to Armitage, stopping him from continuing.

"Your incompetence to recognize that you are nowhere near ready to take over this church is astounding."

I cleared my throat, swallowing at my Father's ridicule of my brother. While I didn't mind it since Armitage was such an ass to me, it did make me uncomfortable at times since I was well aware of how it felt to be belittled. 

"Trinity. I'm well aware you've been distracted," he said coldly as my pulse started racing while my vision moved to the floor, fearing that Vic had come to my Father. "I think it's time you start refocusing your... energy... to something more meaningful."

I peeked up at him. "What do you mean, Father?"

He glared at me with such anger, I thought he might lift his weak body from the chair and strike me again.

"You know what I mean, child," he shifted in his chair and moved his gaze to Armitage. "Your brother will begin his prospect to select a husband for you from the congregation."

Armitage tightened his posture, standing unyielding next to me.

"What-... but I -"

"You will marry a Nobleman, become a loyal wife, and carry out your First Order duties to him."

"But... Father, I'm not ready..."

"You are ready. You've shown me you're ready with a wandering eye. You will regain focus on your future after you become a woman and soon after, a mother."

My heart dropped to the floor, feeling exposed and helpless, cursing myself for not being more cautious with Ben. I felt the initial sting of emotion behind my eyes but I bit back my tears, knowing that any further objections would be dismissed.

"I've already chosen someone, Father." Armitage's voice rang proudly next to me as I tried to keep myself from crumbling to the floor beneath.

"Is that so?" My Father cocked his brow. "Who do you declare is worthy of Trinity's hand?"

I remained frozen in fear of the name that was about to leave his lips. Armitage and I rivaled for most of our lives, but I liked to think that deep down when push came to shove, we would be there for each other. Call it faith or stupidity, but I knew in my own heart, I wouldn't torture my brother with an endless future of daily heartache of grotesque nature. 

"Vicrul of the Noblemen Knights."


End file.
